Adding a biological child

Annie had been in our homes and our hearts for about six months when we learned that my wife was pregnant again.  I was scared to death.  I wondered how we would ever manage having two children who was that small.  I wondered how this would impact Annie.  To be truthful I wondered in some ways if I would love this little boy more, and then in other ways I had such great love for Annie I wondered if there was anyway I could love him as much.  Those sound like conflicting concerns and they were, but that was where my head was at.  TJ was born in August of 2012 the same week that the state received permanent custody of Annie.  What an exciting and scary time that was.  TJ was enjoying his current living conditions in the womb and did not want to come out.  The drs waited until 41 weeks and then decided to induce the pregnancy.  We arrived at the hospital around 11am and they began the process, TJ was not born until after 3pm the next day.  Talk about a long day and a half! I’m sure my wife would agree with that statement.  I had some of those conflicting feelings all the way up to the time of his birth.  As he was delivered TJ had the cord wrapped around his neck, they quickly cut away the cord and began working on him, but he was gray.  I just remember how unnatural of a color he was.  I remember my wife yelling at me trying to find out how he was.  The nurses and dr’s were working on him sucking out his nose and mouth.  They would pick up his hand and allow it to drop and each time it was just limp.  They called in a specialist team and they began to work on him.  I was calmed by their demeanor because even though they were obviously working on him quickly, I could tell they were not overly worried.  It wasn’t long at all and they had my son breathing again, and his color began to slowly turn a more natural pink.  I was so scared watching this process, but that worry quickly turned to excitement as I watched as they placed TJ in his mother’s arms. 

Annie had stayed with our parents the night before and was with the babysitter that day, and I was so excited to have her meet him and have my family together.  They brought her in and she was so excited to see the mommy and daddy that she hadn’t seen in two day, that the new baby went almost entirely unnoticed by her.  We were in the hospital for three more days because of the complications during birth they wanted to monitor TJ’s progress.  I was a little apprehensive once we got home to see Annie’s reactions to this new person being in her home.  The first week or two she paid very little attention to him.  But it wasn’t long before she became the big sister.  His was the first proper name she learned to say, and she quickly became protective of him.  It has been so neat watching her grow with him and to see the relationship between them develop. I still hold concerns as later in life she realizes that TJ is our biological child and that she is adopted.  I hope that too will be a issue we can seamlessly overcome.  I think it will help that my wife and I will continue fostering and so there is the chance of more adoptions happening.  Whatever struggles come from this however I am ready to meet head on.  I want to always encourage and open dialogue with my daughter so I just pray that she has the ability to express her concerns.  I know however that working together we will be able to deal with anything.

First foster placement!

I briefly began the story of our first foster placement.  This “placement” was from the very moment I saw her my baby girl.  We had been licensed for a mere two weeks when we received a call from a neighboring county.  They had a little girl who was born a week earlier, and was being removed from her mother because of addiction issues.  We immediately said yes, and asked if we could go to the hospital and visit.  The little girl “Annie”(made up name) would have to stay in the hospital a couple of more weeks they thought to begin the process of weaning her off drugs.  We went to the hospital that night stopping along the way to pick up a teddy bear blankie.  After a short approval process we were taken back to see Annie, because we didn’t have a regular room we were put in a room that was about the size of a broom closet with one rocking chair.  The moment I saw this little girl I began to cry.  I truly believed that the events of the past few years had led us to this moment.  This little girl had not had a single visitor in the week that she had been in the hospital.  We would be the first non-hospital staff to hold her.  She had scratch marks on her face where she would convulse while detoxing off of the drugs that were put into her system.  They placed her in my wife’s arms first and I watched amazed.  My wife held her for a good while before placing her in my arms.  I wrote earlier that the moment I saw her I knew she would be my little girl.  I know that goes against everything in the foster care system, but nothing has ever felt more right than that.  I held her and consoled her as her body longed for a substance that she could not have.  I could have held her all night, but we came pretty unprepared to stay long.  We stayed about four hours that night before we headed home.  The next day we got up and headed back to the hospital, which was about an hour and a half drive each way.  We planned to stay the whole day, and did just that about ten hours.  We were allowed to feed her and bathe her, and she seemed to be a little calmer.  We spoke to one of the nurses and she informed us that she was doing better in the detox process.  She would have to be free of the medicine for at least 24 hours before they would discuss releasing her.  We spent the whole day Sunday at the hospital as well, and again the nurses noted great improvements and thought she may be able to leave by the end of that week.  We were a little sad with returning to work on Monday because it would not be possible for us to visit each day, so we were so excited(and a little scared) when we got a call around noon that they were going to pick Annie up from the hospital and she would be waiting on us!  We quickly set up a home for Annie in our room and brought her home.  We were told due to the drugs that she was born addicted to, to expect her to cry a lot and sleep very little.  Boy were those people wrong!  Of the three children in our home she has always been the best sleeper!  From the night we brought her home she would only wake up once a night to eat, and from a month on she was sleeping through the night….I knew I loved this child! I feel like I am rambling now so I will have to finish Annie’s story in another post, or two.  Almost two years is a long time to cover in a quick story!